I'm a fleabit peanut monkey

Leo - March 7, 2009

If there is an issue that needs to be brought out on the table at this time, feel free to do so, dear Leo. Don't hold back just to maintain equilibrium in a relationship. Do not sacrifice your own piece of mind just to keep the boat from rocking. Contributing unhealthy lies just to maintain a healthy facade does not do anyone a bit of good. Be totally honest with yourself, your feelings, and the people around you.

Wow. Seriously?! Oh, MSN Astrology, how could you possibly give such advice? Ironically enough, these are words I live by each and every single day. I'm always honest with my feelings, and honesty is the most important thing in any relationship. Being honest has gotten me NOWHERE. Absolutely nowhere! I'm actually shaking as I type because I'm so angry with this little stupid bit of advice. I've been doing EVERYTHING I POSSIBLY CAN to salvage the relationship between Jimbo & I. I even let Lewis, the most amazing boy in the universe who lives 3000 miles away, fall by the wayside. I've been as honest as I possibly could be and he's just been 100% resistant to any change. I want to give up. But no, MSN Astrology, you had to tell me to keep going, keep trying, keep aiming for that elusive peace of mind, and, essentially, keep hurting myself in the process. These "unhealthy lies", these reluctant silences, are the shovels I'm using to dig my sanity back up. So what am I supposed to do now? I was planning on giving up TODAY, actually. Today. No more trying, no more performing Romany spells to try and get him to communicate with me [no, that's not a metaphor; I'm serious]. I was planning on dedicating all my time to giving a different boy all my attention and affection, albeit not totally genuinely.. and it would've all been a lie. And I would've been perfectly happy with that.
...All this doesn't make me go so far as to say I'd want to be anything other than a Leo.