I'm a fleabit peanut monkey

//hearing: the Chocolate Watchband - Are You Gonna Be There (At the Love-In)

This song pretty much grooves the lid off like.
Everything. Haha.

Anyway, boy's outta town! I guess this is a good thing though. I'd been so confused over the past few weeks.. I guess I felt some sort of pressure to live up to his expectations when, it seems, he had.. none. The solution that was staring me in the face was to just be myself and take it easy. Sure, I gave as much enthusiasm as I possibly could to him without getting anything back, but this enthusiasm was forced. For the most part. And rather than worrying about what he thought all the time I should've been clear about what I thought. Well anyway, now he's in Mexico until Monday. That little mod beatnik garagehead greaser of mine. OHSHIT! When you put it that way, he's amazing.

She couldn't decide whether or not to apologize to him for her own embarrassment, but unless he was the only teenage boy who was an expert on teenage girls, she guessed he didn't sense a thing anyway. That was a reality she'd come to terms with, along with her most prominent flaw: the over-analyzation of everything. If she acted like nothing happened, she could make him believe it'd been all his fault, and that he needed to learn a thing or two about how to please a woman--or whatever she was. She'd been so confused as to who she wanted to be over the past few weeks, since the school year had started. All she knew was what was engraved deep in the tissues of her mind, and that she couldn't shake the desire to take on the role of an enigma, a chanteuse only to be heard of every now and then, the little wondeful muse girl that she'd played so well just months before. But she couldn't fight conclusiveness, and even though she couldn't ever bring herself to want him back she knew no man would ever think so highly of her, or hold her responsible for every amount of inspiration he'd ever thought to have. But that was gone, and she couldn't play that part anymore--not now, not with him. All she could do, however hard it would be to do at midnight, was find some way to feel alright.