I'm a fleabit peanut monkey

While everyone else is making a resolution to lose weight or find a life partner or whatever it is Americans crave these days, I can only resolve to do one thing, and that's to make sure that I have more control over my life this year.

I'd always thought I was finally passed all the teen angst and onto the fun part. In truth, they can only coexist. And the whole time I was thinking that I was finally living life on my own terms.. boy, was I out of it.

But it's my fault. My vanity and conceitedness and arrogance and downright brattiness finally caught up to me in a huge. HUGE. way.

In junior high, and even freshman year, I was always so independent. There was passion and compassion behind everything I did. Every argument I'd ever had was heated, and I was never afraid to voice any opinions. Ever.

It's ironic that as I grew older, though, I started to let go of that.

I'm grateful for one thing, though, and that's my music. It never once let me down, and in fact, it's the only thing that kept me up. And really, it's the only reason I'm still sane and standing. If I had all of a sudden decided that I had no purpose in this world, and lost every drip of drive in my heart, I would still have had my rock n' roll. And I really don't care what anyone says: it's truth. Mick Jagger has been my savior on many occasions. Yeah, I know, he's just a rockstar, just like every other frontman or guitarpicker I adore. But I think that's what rock n' roll was meant to do for me: save me. And it's never failed, and I doubt it ever will.

Anyway, if not for the music.. I'd probably be praying to the porcelain gods. Seriously. Because if there's one thing I regret this past year, it's that I never really had control.

Nah. Whenever I did something, it was never really me acting. It was either this damn sickness [which I doubt anyone would take seriousy], or someone else's opinion, or fear of not being accepted.

Then again, it IS what I wanted. I wanted to be liked and accepted by everyone ELSE, all the while sacrificing my own TRUE happiness for it.

BUT, like my darling Jimbo says: It's in the past. I'm looking forward more to tossing 2007 away, rather than ringing in 2008.

But in '08, I'm going to make a promise to myself: I'm going to be happy. And nothing, this time, is going to compromise it. And I'm going to do what makes ME happy, not anyone else, and I'm gonna stop isolating myself because of the fear of not fitting the mold. Making other people happy can only give you contentedness for so long. It's true. Sure, there's absolutely nothing wrong with displaying acts of kindness to make others happy, but it becomes a problem when you stop being true to yourself just for the approval of others.

Besides, I'm Isabella Gloria. And in the true, real, happy Isabella Gloria, I don't need to change a goddamn thing.