Are You a Boy or Are You a Girl?
Are You a Boy or Are You a Girl?
2008-07-21 // 6:28 p.m.
Ugh. This is so stupid.
It just reinforces my notion that no matter how old guys get, no matter how close they think they may be to achieving maturity, they just don't get it.
If I tell you all I want is for you not to yell at me, and maybe refrain from saying "f*** that" ten thousand times I day, then do it. No questions asked. Is it that hard, honestly?
I didn't do ANYTHING. He lied. He couldn't admit it. So you took a nap instead of going to clean your car like you said you were gonna do. Oh man, that sounds to ridiculous. But things like that are the basis of all our arguments. I mean, so ya went to sleep. Why do you have to make up some crap about vacuuming your car? Oh, and it just so HAPPENS that this is also the only day your phone has malfunctioned, not "letting" you answer the call. Puh-leease! Then, to make me feel better, you proceed to wish "f***ings" upon everything in sight, and spew a stream of garbage about my being annoying, culminating in your "okaybye" mentality that leads you to hang up on me. [If having detective-like interrogation skills makes me annoying, then I'm giving Hannah Montana's whiney little best friend a run for her money!] And then call me back 5 minutes later.
I'm tired of this. TIRED. Tired of spending my time analyzing every downsided event to the point of discovering, astonishingly, that I did something wrong, and that it's my duty to apologize. It's never been. I only apologize to get things over with, to ease my own tension caused by my calling him and hearing his phone ring again, and again, and again, and again, and again, only to be met with a voice mail message.. and only to repeat until he finally decides that he wants to answer to tell me off for being irrational.
I'm tired of these games. The breaking up and getting back together, breaking up and getting back together. The hanging up for no reason like a junior high girl with her now ex-best-friend who stole her scrunchie. Ugh. I'm especially frustrated when things like this happen after I've just spent days, which have included hours on the phone with your best friend, hours on the phone with my best friend, and hours dripping salty tears over all my Beatles records, getting things back on track.
Like Gaby said, though, it takes something extreme. And obviously what I did--i.e., not call him for 24 hours--wasn't nearly enough. I'm convinced, though, that I don't NEED him.
What I need to do is get out. I need to stop believing that having someone like that in my life is a necessity. I need to be a kid. Enjoy my senior year without any bindings. HAVE FUN.
and THAT is not hard.