I'm a fleabit peanut monkey

I've been avoiding writing or even thinking about this subject for a while now.. mostly because I'm really unsure of what to think. I'm not even sure it's real.. but this isn't the first time in my life that I've felt every situation I find myself in is a prefabricated, rehearsed scene or a practical joke or something. [How convoluted was THAT?!]

First, about 3 summers ago, I had to deal with this kid whose repertoire of trouble-making included stealing his parents' alcohol and drinking it alone. In his room. at night. Haha! I can't even imagine how we could've justified our intense paranoia. Anyway, nothing was ever really official between us, and our pseudo-friendship/bf-gf relationship met its demise after I developed a love for Nick Simmons. Oh, geez.

Then there was this other kid I met that October who didn't waste time putting his delinquency into action. I got sucked into it, and for a long while couldn't handle it. He single-handedly ignited my hunger for kicks. Still today, I get a pang for trouble every now and then while he's more responsible than I could ever think to be!

Although the latter is the love of my life, I've recently stumbled upon a curious character straight out of my girlhood fantasies--a guy who is the spirit of Keith Richards's drug use incarnate. Nothing has been announced or even mentioned to validate our relationship; the furthest we've gotten to that, or I've gotten to that, is a txt message sent to him saying "Gonna walk right up to you.. give you a great big kiss!" Not for self-gratification or anything.. In fact, I'm not sure why I've kept this going so long. I mean.. a)he lives in califas. b)I've already GOT someone. c)he uses. and uses and uses and uses. d)he CALLS me while he's up in the sky, which bugs the crap outta me [even when drunk friends call me, I get annoyed]. But I've come to care for him.. I dunno why. Of course I still take everything he says--even his calling me "baby"--with a grain of salt. Actually, due to recent tragic experiences, I've upped it to two grains. I don't know why, but I feel like it's become my responsibility to keep this kid alive. And I usually don't play that.. I mean, I don't need that shit. Which is why I hung up on him last night [that, and he was almost completely unintelligible].

Obviously, though, he means SOMETHING to me, or I would't be wasting my time. I'm not sure why. I've got my Mick. The man of my dreams. But I can't stop looking at Keith.